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October 4th 2011
Jeff Reviews Drive
Drive is a rare movie. This movie takes chances with style that you are either on board for or you hate. It's quiet, intense and violent yet caring and soft in spots. The performances by the handful of actors are spot on and make you feel like they have been around for years. One of the best movies I have seen this year, an Alec.
August 21st 2011
Craig Reviews local band Through Being Cool
Through Being Cool, or TBC as the kids call them, is an Indianapolis based local party/cover band that kicks ass. I recently saw them play at the Britton Tavern in Fishers and had a blast doing so. Their set list spans across three decades worth of music. Think of them as a live jukebox. They take requests all show long, so you'll never see the same set list being played from show to show. I've never been at a show where I was able to hear Peter Gabrielle's Sledge Hammer immediately after hearing a Tom Petty tune, and then followed up by Bon Jovi. The lead singer works the crowd very well and, just as everyone else in the band, is very approachable. This is a local band that is a must-see or must-hire, if you are looking for a band to play your party. And no, the Medium Bus isn't getting any kickbacks for that plug.
Through Being Cool – Alec (two reasons for the Alec; they're local and they fucking rock!) Britton Tavern – Stephen (great wait staff, good food, decent prices.)
August 15th 2011
Jeff Reviews Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Ok, right after seeing Rise of the Planet of the Apes I wanted to see it again. I can't say that about many movies this year, and I knew pretty much how it was going to play out. As good as Cap was, I felt Apes was better. Huge props to the teams at Weta and with Andy Serkis, the CG was amazing and awesome in most of the movie. I give it an Alec.
July 23rd 2011
Craig Reviews Captain America
I must preface my review by saying I have never read the Captain America comics, but that won't stop me from reviewing Captain America: The First Avenger.America...
America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Nazis your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now, it's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow.
That is the song I kept hearing during every action scene in Captain America: The First Avenger. This was how I felt a comic book movie should feel. Everything was slightly over the top, but not so far that it was campy. I also didn't feel as if scenes were occurring just to show off some new CGI technique or to please the pyromaniac that is Michael Bay. Yes, I took another shot at Transformers and I will till I die.
But back to the Captain review. I felt Chris Evans was believable as Captain America. He had an all American look to him that seemed natural and not forced. Tommy Lee Jones was his usual rough and tough, but smartass teddy bear he is in damn near everything he's been in. Hugo Weaving did a nice job of handling the psychopath Red Skull. Although I kept waiting to hear Red Skull say "Mr. America…." a la the Matrix. The rest of the cast did a nice job of staying out of the way and I mean that sincerely. I am tired of watching a movie and the supporting casts are better than the main star. Dominic Cooper came close to being that dick, but he pulled it back just at the last second and redeemed himself.
The story was pretty good. Of course it was an "origins" movie, so most of the movie was setting up the character but I think by doing so, they did it right. Not being an avid reader of Captain America, I was able to follow the whole movie without ever wondering what all the references to other characters or events were about. Now to what was wrong with the movie… but I really can't put my finger on anything in particular. I am not saying this is an all time classic worthy of an Alec. I'm sure there were things I could critic after watching it again and in the comfort of my own home, but I really can't think of any one specific part I would change. This movie is what it was supposed to be and that is a summer comic book movie. I recommend seeing it. A mild to high yellow Stephen.
Jeff Reviews Captain America
I thought the Captain America trailer looked to make it the one to see this summer. And while no giant leap in... well any one direction, the movie does do a nice job of entertaining. And isn't that what you want? Red Skull looked fucking sweet and Hugo does a great job with him. Make sure you stay to see... Yes, a full Avengers trailer afterward. A Stephen picking up dog shit in a bath robe.
Jeff Reviews Horrible Bosses
I had thought Horrible Bosses looked pretty funny when I saw the preview on Hangover so I got around to seeing it. I got to say, it was pretty fucking funny. There are moment that will make you chuckle long after seeing it. Spacey, Aniston and Ferrell are great in their boss roles and really do good jobs. Anyone looking for a good funny this summer should check this one out. A Stephen.
Dusty Reviews Captain America
Does anyone remember how much The Fantastic Four sucked? And then the sequel? Yeah, it sucked too. That movie had some major issues. It was one of those that had a good premise, obviously plenty of source material, and Jessica Alba's tits. They weren't bare, but they certainly draw your attention anyway. It also had Chris Evans as The Human Torch. It led me to believe he was just a sub-par actor, but the more thought I give it, I think it was just a bad script, and poor direction. Because, I just saw him as Captain America, and that movie wasn't a shit bag like his other super hero movies.
Yeah, he's had his hits and misses. Not Another Teen Movie, really? But then there's Scott Pilgrim, and The Losers. Good shit. So, I'm pretty sure it wasn't his fault. Cap was a good movie. Sitting through the credits waiting for the first teaser for The Avengers, I also noticed there were about 93 different effects studios that worked on it. I think this explained a lot.
There were some scenes that looked phenomenal, and then there were some scenes that looked a little bit bad. Perhaps if they could have had ONE effects team working on the whole project , it would have been a little more fluid. The effects aren't everything though. The movie had a good script, good direction, and the acting didn't leave me feeling like I wanted to die.
Having said that, this movie felt a little forced. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But it really left me feeling like it was only there to say, "Hey, there's another movie coming out next year that I'll be in also." It felt too pre-quely and not enough like a movie that could hold its own. But really, there isn't much bad to say about it.
Chris Evans pulled it off, Tommy Lee Jones had a great character. Stanley Tucci was awesome, and this movie wasn't Burlesque. It was nice, additionally, to see Hugo weaving as something other than an elf or a computer program. He was enjoyable to Red Skull and convincingly evil. Then there are people like Dominic Cooper, who always has the same look on his face, but he wasn't bad as Howard Stark. And Hayley Atwell, who the hell is she? She was good enough to get by, and attractive enough to make me half-staff. So, all around the cast was good. I would like to know how Sam Jackson, as Nick Fury of course, received such high billing in this movie, and he was in it for less than two minutes. Sure, he'll play a more integral role in the upcoming Avengers flick, but give him higher billing in that one.
I also did not see this movie in 3D. Earlier this year I saw Transformers and Harry Potter in said format, and hated it. Having watched Cap in stunning 2D, it actually looked like it may have been done right. I won't go back to see it again in it's third dimension, but it looked like it may have been awesome for those who did. Minor flaws are overcome by an engaging story and characters. I give this one a Stephen rubbing out a Fuck Stain.
July 15th 2011
Dusty Reviews Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2
I never read a single Harry Potter book. Not when they first came out, and not after seeing the movies. Speaking of the movies, I hated the first two. I saw part of the first one and absolutely hated it. I never gave the second one a chance. I was then forced to start watching it, and never finished. Imagine my dismay when I then enter a relationship where the other person involved is a Harry Potter fan, and the third movie is about to come out. Not one to disappoint, I took her to see it against my better judgment. I've been a fan ever since. I still hate the first two though.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two is a long title. It's also a long movie, but doesn't it have to be to tie everything together and end? Sure, why not? At least it wasn't an hour of Harry looking for a job like some other movies we saw this Summer. This movie actually went out gracefully, and it was more than just a camping trip.
I don't know the details that were left out of the book, see a couple of paragraphs earlier, but as far as the movies are concerned, I liked how this one flowed. It told the story, and then there was action, it told some more story, and then there was action, repeat steps one and two until it ends. It was a simple formula that worked.
I literally have no complaints about this movie. They managed to hold on to the same cast for 106 movies, except for one who died, and really, you can't hold that against anyone. Wait, I do have a complaint, I had to see it in 3D, and I was in the second row. I had a migraine when it was over.
Other than that, I can't go on forever because I'm not a Potter purist, but it ended a series the way it should be ended. No autobots died, Shia Laboof wasn't looking for a job, and Harry fights Voldemort. Good job guys. Stephen.
July 11th 2011
The Commish Reviews Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon
The bugs are back! Fans of the Earth Defense Force games will be pleased with the new iteration, Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon. EDF:IA is a budget title that like a good B-movie is enjoyable and not mentally demanding. You are a soldier in the EDF and are tasked with pushing back an alien invasion. But not just aliens, those Eco-unfriendly aliens have played god with our planets insect life and are assaulting New Detroit with giant ants, and spiders. In addition you'll face flying saucers and giant alien robots that look to scrape your flattened corpse off their metallic feet. We can only assume the Aliens went to New Detroit because they saw old Detroit and thought they had already destroyed it.
EDF is a 3rd person shoot'em up where you choose one of four distinctive classes. Each class plays differently and has access to different selections of weapons and abilities, but the goal is still the same, shoot and kill the alien scum they call Ravagers. The environment of the game world is fully destructible and you'll be turning New Detroit into New Old Detroit in no time. Don't look for a gripping story here. It's basically run from 1 spot to the next killing all the way, collecting over 300 different weapons and keeping yourself from being squashed like a bug yourself. The more you kill the more experience you get. Over time your character will level to a new tier (8 tiers in total). Each new tier unlocks new and more powerful weapons to choose from.
A lot of fun of EDF really comes from its multiplayer. It has 2 player local split screen, or a 3 player campaign mode online. There is also a 6 player survival mode. Shooting bugs with a friend is just some good dumb fun. I recommend the hard difficulty setting as normal seems far to easy for any experienced gamer. This game is not for everyone, but for a 40 dollar title you could do a lot worse. My only complaint would be the lack of locations. EDF:IA takes place entirely in the city, a change of scenery would have been nice. While the game is not exactly story heavy the ending left me wanting. These small complaints aside, Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon gets a Stephen on the Baldwin Scale.
July 10th 2011
Dusty Reviews Zookeeper
I've bought some bad video games, wasted $60 on something that just pissed me off beyond all comprehension. I've paid equal amounts of money to get into concerts that have sucked and infuriated me to the point of blind rage. Nothing though, has ever pissed me off as much as the $18 for a matinee to take my lady and our nephew to see Zookeeper though.
I didn't want to see this movie in the first place, and that may have made it worse for me. But, I really think the thing that made it an entirely worthless experience was the fact that the seven year old child sitting next to me may have had fewer laughs than I did. I can think, off the top of my head, of two times I actually chuckled during that movie. I kept looking over at our nephew to see his reactions, and I remember one time where he actually laughed. That's what made this movie an entire waste of that portion of my life.
It's sad, really, to see so many A-List actors doing voices in such a horrendous piece of shit. Seriously, Stallone, Nick Nolte, Adam Sandler (we'll come back to him), Judd Apatow, Jon Favreau, Don Rickles. The list goes on and on, mostly bit parts, but still. Kevin James, kind of a funny guy, and no matter how much this movie sucked, Rosario Dawson is always delightful, and Joe Rogan may have been the only reason I didn't drop my pants and take a dump right there in the theatre to express my utter disgust. She's been in some ass-crack movies, but I always enjoy her.
I said I'd come back to this, and I am always true to my word. Adam Sandler seems as though, in the last few years, that he has started to fade into obscurity. I now know it to be true. This was another vomit-bomb from Happy Madison studios, and he lent his voice to, more or less, the most annoying character in the movie. And to boot, there was a preview for another one of his pieces of shit coming out later this year called Jack and Jill. It's one of those movies that sent Eddie Murphy packing. Don't even bother looking up the trailer.
So, this was supposed to be a family movie, fit for children. However, it seems the love story aspect might have been a little complicated. I'm sure it was only there to keep the adults entertained, but there was nothing enjoyable about it. The silliness of the animals and the way they were acting may have been some of the worst I've ever seen. It was not entertaining, it was not funny, and it was pathetic. When you can't even make a seven year old boy laugh with a poop joke, more than once, then you know there are issues.
There are some people from this movie that I think deserve to have careers after this, there are others that should never be allowed to work again, anywhere. Ever. I'd like to give this movie a solid Aborted Joe. The only reason it's not a Baldwin Fuck Stain is because I at least got to spend time with people I enjoy. Fuck this movie though, seriously.
July 5th 2011
Dusty Reviews Days of the Dead
Days of the Dead occurred this past weekend, July 1st through the 3rd and The Medium Bus was there in full effect. Or at least three quarters effect. I'd have to say that after attending Horror Hound earlier this year, that this was a better experience. The vendor area was more wide open, and as a whole they were not as pushy. There were a few disappointments. Gary Busey didn't show, Tom Savini didn't show, Ed Furlong bitched out. Whatever, it was still a decent experience. Outside of having to pay for autographs anyway.
I had a chance to catch a few movies this weekend whilst in attendance. I'd like to talk about that specifically. First off, Jeff, Craig, and myself all sat in on a documentary called "I Am Nancy." It's a doc about. Heather Langenkamp and her character "Nancy" in some of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Of course we talk about this on Episode 25, but here is a personal review. At 70 minutes, it felt a little long. However, it was still engaging enough that I didn't want to hurt anyone when I was done. A far cry from our viewing of "Raymond Did It," this one was well made. The problem I have with it, is that she actually doesn't talk enough about herself. Strange enough, the focus keeps jumping to other people. A guy getting a tattoo, Wes Craven, Robert Englund, and of course her fans. The latter is to be expected though. Either way, it was little messy. It was interesting enough though, and it was actually produced well. She was very gracious and stayed to watch with the crowd as well. Overall, I'd say it's a high Billy.
That was Friday. Saturday I visited some vendors, picked up some art and some literature. I also sat in on some short films. The first of which was very short. It was only about 10 -15 minutes long, and starred this HOT ass chick who happened to be present at the showing. It was a vampire story called "2:22" by Steven Shea. Essentially it gets brutal and bloody quickly, and doesn't really let up, because it was short, and then ends kind of the way you'd expect it to. The story wasn't bad, the acting wasn't bad, the production value wasn't bad. That really about sums up the whole film, it's wasn't bad. Having said that, it wasn't really good either. There was nothing that really stood out about this film. It was simply, just ok. If you get the opportunity to check it out though, it's at least worth a viewing, I give it a Billy.
The second short was one called "A Far Cry From Home" by Alan Rowe Kelly. This was one more of a slasher, without the slashing. It was about a couple that headed into this backwoods area and stopped at a little shop. The shop is run, of course, by a bunch of psychotic rednecks. This one was kind of funny. The lead female role was played by a woman who's sex was a little ambiguous, and the rednecks mistook them for homosexuals. Hence the hatred. Once again, overall, this one wasn't bad. The acting wasn't bad, the story wasn't bad, so on and so forth. The mayhem in this one was nice, however. It was actually fairly suspenseful. I still needed a little work, and as a short film, it felt a little long. I think it could have gotten to the point a little faster. I give this one a Billy as well.
The third short film was another vampire short called "The Familiar" by Kody Zimmerman. This was about a vampires assistant though, and not so much about the vampire himself. It was about the assistants disdain for the daily grind, and comparing it to any other job and his boss being a dick just like any other boss. This one was really good. The special effects were my only complaint here. On their budget, they were lacking. However, the story made up for it. The acting was pretty good, and so was the writing and directing. The guy who played the vampire acted like a total douche, and it added a lot of humor. I suggest, if you can find it, check this one out. I give it a Stephen. As a whole it was good convention. The guest stars they got were still somewhat relevant, not just a bunch of has-beens like other conventions. I'm looking forward to next years Days of the Dead. Maybe they'll bring Roddy Piper back! Listen to episode 25 to hear more of our commentary. Overall, the event gets a Stephen.
While at Days of the Dead we met with author Ed Russell. Of course he was hard at work selling his current book, The Dead Infested, and we had a chance to talk to him for a while. He's a jovial delight. You can listen to a review of his book in our 20th Episode. Find Ed on Facebook and Twitter.
Craig Reviews Days of the Dead
Three days of death and $25 autographs what could go wrong. In this case… nothing. Days of the Dead was a three day binge of blood, gore, and meet and greets. If you haven't been to a horror convention here is what to expect: vendors, horror movie stars, Goth chicks in very skimpy clothes, people in costumes, and screenings of new or slightly used horror movies. Days of the Dead included all of these elements and in my opinion they had a nice mix.
The stars for this horror convention included: Roddy Piper, Jake Busey, Sammy Terry, Tom Sizemore, and guys who wore masks in various horror movies. Compared to my only other horror convention experience, Days of the Dead was star studded compared to Horror Hound weekend. Jake Busey was cool as hell. The guy knows how to have fun and not be a dick in the process. The vendors included the usual masks, art, videos, fake weapons, and books. Whether it was the location or the amount of vendors, the spacing of the vendors was perfect. I didn't feel as if I was getting groped by every vendor that I passed. There was a decent mix of Goth chicks in their skimpy clothes. The only memorable person in a costume was a guy in a dick suit.
Overall I enjoyed Days of the Dead. There were enough people of star quality to make me feel as if I got my $25 worth. The Roddy Piper comic session was a great idea. I love listening to the inside stories of my old wrestling heroes. Like I mentioned on the podcast, with a little work Piper could be a great standup comedian. My only recommendation would be to adjust the structure of the screenings and the meet and greets to provide an even flow of entertainment. Maybe add some musical guests or something to fill time between the events. Days of the Dead gets a low Stephen.
Jeff Reviews Days of the Dead
Days of the Dead horror convention was in Indianapolis and The Medium Bus had to be there. The day prices were very reasonable and the weekend pass was only twice that for three days, not too shabby. Had to pay an extra $10 for a special Roddy Piper comedy show, which I didn't think was good when paying, but after seeing his show changed my mind.
After paying it was room after room of vendors and horror celebs. Jake Busey was a down to earth guy and a bunch of the "monster" guys, whom I don't really know besides recognizing the monster they were, were nice. It seemed like a few of the celebs were there solely to make money, but most were there to have fun. Another highlight was Heather Langenkamp's documentary "I am Nancy" about her involvement with the Nightmare on Elm St series, which was a pretty good insight but just a tad too long for me.
The vendors were selling everything you could think of rare DVDs, original art, books, shirts and toys. We made some connections and I met some really great down to earth people that are just interested in the same stuff I am.
The Roddy Piper show was really quite great. He just told a bunch of stories from his early wrestling days. There were lots of laughs and some really interesting stuff. All in all we had a great time and can't wait for next year.
June 22nd 2011
Recipe: Underboob Gravy
1 woman with large boobs
1 cup All Purpose Flour
Salt and Pepper to taste
Remove the brazier from your large breasted woman. Have her lie on her back so you can effectively sprinkle the entire 1 cup of flour on her chest where the boobs will rest when she stands. Put a shirt on her, leaving the brazier off. This will allow the body heat to stay inside allowing the gravy too cook at a more consistent rate. Set the treadmill to an uphill regimen for 30 minutes at about 6 mph. Set her to jogging.
As she jogs the sweat under her boobs mixes with the flour creating a rich, appetizing gravy. It's important not to hesitate after her job. Quickly strip her, lie her down again, and add your salt and pepper. Then it's just a matter of mounting her, and using some biscuits (recipe not included) to eat with your delicious gravy.
June 19th 2011
Jeff Reviews Green Lantern
Green Lantern, what can I say... This movie is one of the lamest superhero movies I have seen in a while. The story... lame, the acting... lame, the computer animation... holy shit the computer animation sucked. The constructs were ok, but the suits were just stupid. Pass this for Super 8 or X-Men even if you have seen them. A Daniel at best.
June 17th 2011
The Commish Reviews Terraria
Do you like video games? No?! Then get the hell out! Okay for all you video game enthusiasts I'd like to talk to you today about a little game called Terraria. You may not of heard of it. To the best of my knowledge Terraria is only available on the Steam Network. You don't know what Steam is? Well in a nutshell its a digital distribution market for video games. But this review isn't about Steam its about Terraria.
Terraria is a charming 2D side-scroller with graphics from the throw back days of the 16 bit era. You make your character and a world is created just for you. Your world size can be small, medium, large. If you choose to play single player than this world is just for you. There is multiplayer but we'll get into that later. Once in this world it's just you and a guide NPC that is only useful for about the first few seconds of the game. He is there to let first time players know what kind of things they can do. After that hes just a welfare case waiting for you to build him a house.
Now on to the meat of what this game is all about. If you've ever played Minecraft you can think of Terraria as a 2D version of that game, although that would be a very simplified way of looking at it. There are no quests to be gotten or princesses to be saved, but there are plenty of blocks to mine. You see, the world is made up of blocks of many materials, dirt, mud, rock, copper, iron, etc. And with these materials you can make things, many things. It's not just about mining, through out the world there are caverns and caves that you can explore with plenty of monsters to slay and chests to find. Chest hold items that you can't make, a ring of regeneration, a cloud in a bottle (to double jump) etc. Heart Containers can also be found in the deep. Breaking these with a hammer will give you a heart that you can use to increase your maximum health.
Once you've done some exploring and gathering you can build. And build you shall, because half the fun of Terraria is building. Build a small wooden house for your guide furnish it with a table and chair and he'll be happy. Other NPCs will come to live in your village once you have achieved certain conditions. Collect a few Heart Containers and the Nurse will show up. Have 50 silver and the Merchant will show up. All NPCs provide different services and of course will need you to build them homes. You are the Jimmy Carter of Terraria (yes a habitat for humanity joke). Building is only limited to your imagination. So build a palace with rooms for all your servants. Or build your own underground dungeon and cower from the zombies during the Blood Moon. Or terraform the landscape and build a mountain that touches the heavens!
So you've killed some monsters, mined some minerals, built a shanty town for your NPCs and upgraded some of your equipment. What else is there to do? Plenty. You can break open some shadow orbs and summon the Eater of Worlds (one of several boss monster you can fight). They are much harder than any monster you've had to defeat and require a little bit of strategy to take down. There is also the Eye of Cthulhu and several others. Boss monsters drop some nice loot and crafting materials that you can not get anywhere else. There are also Dungeon(s) in your world that have some nice loot, but you have to get past the old man that guards them. Think that sounds easy? Well just keep telling yourself that. There are also some floating islands in the sky or you can just dig down to the center of the world into Hell, but watch out, only the most well equipped Terrarian should venture there.
I can't speak much to the multiplayer in this game, I've yet to try it. Five players can be in a world at a time and you can turn pvp on or off, you can also join teams or just adventure and build together. There are no central servers that I'm aware of so any server you play in multiplayer will be hosted by the individual.
All in all Terraria is hours of fun. I have 35 hours played on it already and fore see many more. The game is constantly being updated by the creators, as of this review they've just released patch 1.04 that added some cool new stuff and of course bunnies! I give Terraria a Stephen on the Baldwin Scale. Pick up Terraria on the Steam network for $9.99, or a 4 pack for $29.99. It's a heck of a lot of fun for a little price!
June 11th 2011
Dusty Reviews Super 8
Super 8. It's like J.J. Abrams giving Spielberg a handy, only not as graphic. I never watched Lost, but I have become a bit of a fan of Abrams in recent years. A lot of people didn't much care for Cloverfield, but I watched it three times before sending it back to Netflix. I can't forget the Star Trek reboot either, good job pal even though you didn't write it. I'll not say anything about Mission Impossible 3, because some people make mistakes and should be forgiven.
Spielberg produced this, and really nothing needs to be said there. The guy has a laundry list of movies I would cut both of my arms off to have been a part of. To be fair, Abrams meant this to be an homage to Spielberg. The movie is set it 1979, and it likens to older Spielberg as it revolves around a group of kids that immerse themselves into the adventure. Goonies, E.T.? Anyone? Having said that, it's original enough to keep me enthralled. Sure, there are plenty of throwbacks, but the story is fresh and enjoyable.
A group of kids are making a movie for submission to a film contest. While they are on location, they can't a train wreck on super 8 (that's where the title comes from!!!) and subsequently a monster is caught on film as well. As the kids keep moving from location to location to film with military in the background for "production value" parts of the mystery start to unravel. And in true Abrams fashion, you don't get to see the creature until the last third of the movie.
The kids they casted were phenomenal. Elle Fanning is a great little actress and then comes a group of unknowns. Most of the kids have no movies under their belts. It worked well though. None of them left me feeling like I wanted to hurt them. In fact, I enjoyed all of their little personalities.
Despite similarities between this movie and a lot of Spielberg's work, I really liked it. Admittedly, when first seeing previews for Super 8, I was a bit of a hater. It looked to Similar to E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I was pissed. I'm not so pissed anymore, and I'm glad I went to see this.
I don't have small children, I was able to enjoy the movie with none in tow. I would have to say though, that parts of it get a little intense for a PG-13 movie. I would have to say, albeit a small one, that might be my only complaint. I really didn't know what to expect going into the theatre, but I came out happy. Dare say I an Alec? Yes, yes I dare. Also, stick around through the credits, it's worth the extra few minutes.
Jeff Reviews Super 8
Super 8 can be called Super gr8, cause it is. The people can act the fuck out of this movie and the monster is cool. The story feels quite a bit like the trailer did, like E.T. with explosions. Which is a good thing cause E.T. is a good movie. All in all the best summer movie so far... A high Stephen!
June 7th 2011
Dusty Reviews X-Men First Class
The more I see Jennifer Lawrence, the more of a fan I become. She was deservingly nominated for her performance in Winters Bone, and then took a turn for the strange in X-Men: First Class playing Mystique. Speaking of which, I went to see the new X-Men movie, and it was almost everything I needed from a comic book movie.
The best part about it was that the mutants really flaunted their power. They pushed the envelope for a PG-13 movie. Keeping that in mind, since there are lines that can't be crossed, they try as hard as they can to make it as brutal as possible and stay within their rating. I was not disappointed in Magneto and how he used his power. Likewise, Azazel used his teleportation to a brutal advantage. Kevin Bacon plays a great villain as well. The progression of the story left it open for a complete reboot of the series as well.
There was a little left to disappoint as well. There were some questionable special effects. Banshee and his flying, as well as Angel and her flying were poorly executed. And let's face it, Beast didn't look very good. However, the story was very solid, and the acting was as well. So, with Matthew Vaughn at the helm, and Brian Singer on for production, and a really strong cast, January Jones aside, it looks to be the beginning of something good. Now if we could just get this thing an R rating so they can get really, really brutal, I'd be happy.
Regardless, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, and Jennifer Lawrence carry this movie on their backs, and they do it phenomenally. Moving forward with this is an inevitability considering it's weekend haul, and as long as this cast stays on board, so will I. This movie is a very solid Stephen
June 1st 2011
Dusty Reviews The Hangover 2
What can I say? I think everyone knew what was to be expected, but I'm not sure if they knew exactly what to expect. It was essentially the same plot as the first one. But really, how to you have a sequel to a movie like this? Another wedding? Sure, yeah. The thing about it though, is that a lot of the exact same things happened, just in a different city. Apparently not many people cared, it crushed the box office and set a few records in the process. It was the best opening for a comedy ever. Between that one, Kung-Fu Panda, and Pirates it was the best Memorial Day weekend ever for movies. It also had the best midnight opening ever. That says a lot. It also tells me that people knew what they were in for. The critics hated this one, probably for the fact that it was essentially the same movie we saw a couple of years ago.
Paranormal Activity did the same thing a while back. It was a great movie, great concept, original, well made on a shoe-string budget and it became the most profitable horror movie of all time. So, of course the big studio executives wanted to cash in on that success a second time. Then, when I was sitting there in the theatre watching the same movie I had seen a couple of years before that, I was thoroughly disappointed. Here lies the difference between Paranormal Activity 2, and The Hangover 2.
Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis under the direction of Todd Phillips, are fucking brilliant. I wasn't even a little bit pissed that I was watching this movie. It was shocking, hilarious, and enjoyable. In fact, I would go so far as to say it would be worth paying for another ticket to see twice in the theatre. There were several laugh out loud moments, and some of those were even scenes that were nearly a direct copy of something from the first movie. My biggest problem with this movie, is that because of its success, they will probably make a third one. I don't want them to run something this great into the ground. And I don't want them to go out on a bad note. Can they really strike gold a third time? Perhaps, but I am already worried for how good it might be. I give this movie a very solid Stephen.
Author: Ed Russell Rants About Reality Television
Just a quick note on Britt tv. It's not all bad. Some people love Dr. Who. I would also suggest you check out "The IT Crowd" which was on netflix instant view. Funny as hell. I also liked Father Ted especially the second and third seasons. Survirors, new and old both have merit and Primeval is better than most of the excrement they play on the syphilis channel! And just about anything would be better than the wall to wall psuedo reality show bullshit that is clogging up primetime. I really do not give a flying fuck about some wanna be waxing ignorant about nothing. Until they start arming the so called contestants I am not interested. How about a .45 instead of an immunity idol..please.
I hate reality tv! if American Idol had any integrity they would take the wannabe's to a gay bar, preferably one full of bull dykes and make them sing church hymns, then go to a biker bar and sing hardcore gangsta rap and finish off going to an inner city club and sing old school country. Let them face a hostile crowd instead of a bunch of moist teenage girls who have yet to shave their pits.
Rock of love with Brett Michaels...OK I get this from Bretts perspective, collect 13 skanks that will do almost anything to win your favor and get paid for it. I get that but I couldnt care less what these women think or feel because only an idiot really believes that you are going to find love on a freaking game show. and yes I know I can use the word fuck but reality tv doesnt deserve it. This goes for all the shot at love type shows. Here is a better idea, have 50 women fight it out in a no holds barred battle royal for an unknown suitor and then the winner is required under penalty of loss of limb to live with and be faithful the unseen suitor for ten years.
Amazing Race. Give up on the stupid little side quests and just give the contestants a destination and they can use whatever means they can find. start them in the middle east and make them wear an American flag patch so they will do everything they can to get the hell out of there as fast as possible. Right now this show is nothing more that a televised editon of "What I did on my summer vacation". snore. Death Race 2000 now that is a racing show!
Big Brother. heres a better idea, put a socialpath in with these losers and instead of getting kicked out of the house they can all be killed off one by one. Better yet make them all psycho killers and last person alive wins! Now its interesting.
Biggest loser...I see this everytime I go to the gym. I respect the people going through the programs but dont want to watch it unless instead of treadmills you make them outrun wolves or tigers or outswim sharks. No blood no fun.
The apprentice..this show sucks so bad it cannot be improved. pretty people with made up problems. Ok dump the losers in africa with no food or water and see if they can survive. no still sucks.
Dancing with the stars...Hey if there isnt a pole involved its not dancing. start stripping or stay off my tv.
Next top model...oh please what is the point...if the bitch cant swallow a whopper then why bother???
Real world...what is real about these whiny shits getting a house to live in and pretty people to screw for nothing. the real world is struggling to pay your damn bills and keeping the lights on. what do these snits really have to worry about aside from getting herpes? guess what in the real real world you dont get to party every night and have it paid for.
Have I mentioned that I hate reality tv? Its the reason there is nothing good on tv, nothing to really draw you in. I know that dramatic tv is not real either but that is the point..I want an escape from the dog eat dog world and be entertained and care about the outcome not wonder who snooki is going to blow next.
Jeff Reviews Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides
Pirates 4 had everything you could want out of another Pirates movie. There was just enough history with supernatural mixed in to make it a welcomed part to the Pirates mythos. Top notch characters in Blackbeard, Barbosa and of course Sparrow, with special praise to McShane, as he commands the screen every scene he is in. All in all I say this is better than Pirates 2 and 3 easily, and is well worth your hard earned money if you are at all interested. A Stephen
April 26th 2011
Eric Reviews Conner Prairie
Being as i had never been to Conner prairie in the first 29 years of me being on this earth, i decided what better time than now! Upon arriving i actually had some serious doubts about even going inside due to the 20+ school buses in the parking lot as im pretty sure they carry kids in them and not hobo's like we do. I figured since i drove 1 1/2 hours i might as well check it out since the prices are reasonable (and they had a bitchin' hot air ballon ride that after paying to get in i found out it wasn't even running that day). The first parts of the main building are geared heavily towards very young children. They had crafting stations, and areas where you could try on period clothing and a big puzzle room for kids ages 6 and under. We skipped all that crap and headed straight to what i thought was sure to be the fun part. The place is comprised of three areas,the Prairie town, the indian camp, and the Conner estate (which is the only building that was originally here). I honestly felt that even though they told us that all of these buildings were brought here and were all actual old buildings, they just didn't have a realistic quality to them. It all felt a bit too new, and too clean. The outfits worn by the actors was very tacky as well, and they were all quite annoying so i tried to avoid them at all costs and they mostly just gave us weird looks because we didn't bring children with us. For me it was not an enjoyable place to go, but i think if you were a young child it would be very cool because you wouldn't be smart enough to realise that this shit is cheesy as hell. I have to give this two ratings: For adults it's definately a fuck stain, its horribly boring and it took us like 35 minutes to see everything they had to offer. For kids and mentally challenged adults its a Stephen, they should enjoy this a great deal and could easily kill a few hours in there running around.
Eric Reviews "Your Highness"
Today im reviewing the movie "Your Highness" starring Danny Mcbride, James Franco, and Natalie Portman. The premise of this movie is that an evil wizard Lazar has kidnapped Franco's soon-to-be wife on the day of their wedding in hopes to turn her into a dragon by fucking her during an eclipse of the two moons. It's now up to Franco and Mcbride to find a magical sword in order to kill him and save his love. Along the way they meet Portman who's mission in life is to "stop people who want to turn other people into dragons by fucking them" otherwise known as the "fuckening". This movie is in no way an oscar contender, but nonetheless there were still plenty of memorable moments in the movie that at points had me in tears. The writing credits go to Mcbride and thus it is a bit lacking in great dialogue but i still find myself quoting the movie. So if you dont mind a stupid comedy sprinkled with some really funny moments then this movie is for you, just dont take it too seriously. I actually really enjoyed this movie after a bit of a slow start, so my rating will be a "high" Billy.
Jeff Reviews "Source Code"
Do you like time travel? Do you like a who done it? Do you like trying to figure shit out? Then Source Code is for you. The movie drags a tiny bit toward to end, but all in all it's pretty good and you will be hard pressed not to end up liking it. I give it a low Stephen=
April 11th 2011
Dusty Reviews His Vacation Destinations
There's nothing more exciting than leaving your children behind and going on vacation without them. Having said that, there's nothing worse than making a 1700 mile round trip drive. We took off for Savannah Georgia, via Gatlinburg Tennessee, we wanted to take the scenic route, and it was nice. We made it to the mountains at the end of day one. In fact, we procured ourselves a room and then drove back into Pigeon Forge and grabbed something to eat. Let me explain something to you. When you see a restaurant that you've never heard of, and they aren't a chain, they can generally be pretty good. Just a standalone place that someone decided to open because they can cook. Not so much can be said as far as chain stores are concerned. When you get further south, you start seeing these places called Krystal.
Their food tastes, essentially, like dog shit. They are essentially a generic White Castle. Now, White Castle is notoriously harsh on your insides, but at least the flavor is there. So, Krystal decides to add other small food items to their menu. A small corn dog anyone? It's a Corn Pup! Cute, right? A chili dog is the same, just a chili pup. Very adorable. Then they have a Chik, which is a little chicken sandwich, and of course…….A Krystal. Tiny burger. About two bites into their corn pup, and I felt like I would vomit. Literally. I'm really not exaggerating here; it felt as though I would throw up. My lady felt the same way. Frankly speaking, this place would have been better just putting a severed hand betwixt some buns and punching you in the gut with it. The puddin' shake wasn't bad though. So, after we threw most of our food into the trash, we went back to enjoy our room on the Little Pigeon River. We had a third floor balcony that faced the mountains and was just spectacular.
The following day, since we were just passing through, we were trying to figure out which attraction we might both enjoy. We decided on the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Aquarium. The funny thing about this place is that most of it was very believable because they were living specimens. Overall it was pretty awesome though. It was a fairly small place though, in relativity to other aquariums, but was still packed full of cool things, mostly sharks. Sharks kick so much ass it's unreal, and they had a plethora. The penguins were fun too. It was reasonably priced entertainment. Quite enjoyable indeed. After that, we gassed up and headed into the Smoky mountains on a southerly route. Mountains are majestic in pictures. Mountains are REALLY FUCKING majestic in person. If anyone ever travels through Tennessee, I suggest taking 73 South Scenic. If it's not snowy, you probably won't die on this road, and the "scenic" part of the name isn't just trying to bullshit you. It's tremendous.
The bad part about taking that route is that on the other side of the mountain is North Carolina, which as a whole wasn't so bad. But we went through a town called Cherokee, aptly named because there are still a great number of Cherokee Indians there. About a mile through town, on the left is a gas station where an attendant with one crooked eye does not read maps. Worse, is that you can't look at a map unless you buy it first. Worse than that, is that the maps they sell don't show their town. I now hate all of North Carolina because of one bitch that gave me the first impression. The rest of the state is very scenic though, and worth passing through. South Carolina on the other hand is flat, and nothing but tree's. Tree's, in general, are usually pretty great. But when all you see for two hundred miles is tree's and asphalt, it gets fucking old. Nearing the end of day two, we make our way into Georgia, and are only about an hour from Savannah. We make our way there, and at about one in the morning, we get a room and get ready for the next day.
Savannah is amazing. They have a historic city with a beautiful river running through it, and it's on the ocean. Speaking of the ocean, it's majestic, such as the mountains. And finally, after 34 years of life, I put my feet in and let the waves crash against me at sunset. It was phenomenal. It's warm, and green, and doesn't have but one Krystal in the whole city! The people are friendly, the food is great, and there's a ton of shit to do. I wasn't disappointed in one place we ate there. Wet Willie's, a bar on the river, was awesome. The walls are hand painted with weird ass murals, the drinks are constantly mixing in slushy style mixers on the wall, and the food was retarded good. Corleone's was an Italian place on Bay Street, where I had a really good anti-pasto salad. It was cool inside, with lots of great art on the walls. It was an excellent atmosphere. The Distillery had some kick ass fish and chips. It's an old brewery, no longer in use, and now just a restaurant. The Moon River Brewing Company was another great place. I had a fucking kick ass wrap there, and supposedly the place is haunted.
That brings me to this. This is reportedly the most haunted city in the United States. Do I believe in ghosts? Fuck no. I'm sane and logical. However, it's reported that there are nearly ten thousand disturbed graves in the city. The city is built on top of all those unmarked bones. It makes for some interesting stories, and a fun tour around a gorgeous city. Whether you believe in that crap or not, it's worth the tour. You get to visit a couple of places. Most notorious are the Pirate House and the Sorrell-Weed House. The stories are fun, and although I am a skeptic, some people were getting some interesting pictures with their cameras. I'll say that much anyway.
On our return home, we didn't take the scenic route. Instead we went west, and then north. It took us through Atlanta. Let me tell you something Atlanta, FUCK YOU! How is it that you have an eight lane highway, and to the far left is a sign that CLEARLY reads, "75 North" and then on the far right, is another sign that reads, "75 North?" HOW? How many times can you weave back and forth through that many lanes of traffic trying to figure out where you're going, and not die in a horrendous crash? I can tell you, it's 5 times, because that's what I did. I finally figured out where I was going, and from then on it was smooth sailing. Go to hell Atlanta. Your city is nice, but your roads are dumb as shit, and your baseball team sucks. So does your football team, they create dog killers. I'd like to sum it up by using The Medium Bus Podcast patented Baldwin Scale to rate this trip.
Krystal – Fuck Stain
Gatlinburg – Stephen
Ripley's Aquarium – Billy
The Smoky Mountains – Alec
The Atlantic Ocean – Alec
The City of Savannah – Alec
Restaurants in Savannah
Wet Willies – Stephen
Moon River Brewing Company – Stephen
Corelone's – Billy
The Distillery – Stephen
Ghosts Belief in them – Daniel
History behind said ghosts and the overall concept – Stephen
Atlanta – Fuck Stain
1,700 mile round trip drive – Aborted Joe
That same drive with the person I love the most – Alec
You all thought I was going to say "priceless" on that last one, didn't you? No, that shit is already taken, and I'm afraid of being sued. It does lend to the fact that deep inside, I'm more than just an asshole; I'm an asshole with a sentimental side. Overall, go to Savannah at least once. It's a fantastic city, and I'll be going back. Next time I'm flying though.
March 31st 2011
Jeff Reviews Sucker Punch
Sucker Punch is a good movie... You just have to know what you are going for. Are you going to see a mind bending movie where the deep plot and lengthy character development drive you to the edge of your seat? Yes? Then go watch Black Swan.
Are you going to see a movie about crazy bitches taking on giant samurai, Nazi zombies, a huge dragon and about 100 robots where you don't know what the fuck is going on? Yes? Then you will give this movie a Billy easily. If you know what you are seeing then you can enjoy nearly any movie, besides the ones we pick to watch for the show.
March 30th 2011
The Rainbow Connection
Dusty here, 1/4 of the beloved Medium Bus Crew. I was looking on iTunes to see if I could find a song called, The Rainbow Connection, that was originally from The Muppets Movie from 1979. I can't find it there! What a load of shit is that? So, when I see this movie for the first time, I'm about 4 or 5 years old. I didn't get this one in the theatre, because what parent in their right mind takes a 3 year old to a place like that? Yeah, that's directed at all you mother fuckers that do shit like that.
Anyway, I remember it was so soothing and touching when I was little. It had one of those sounds where you just stand inches from the television, swaying back and forth. I didn't really learn the lyrics or anything until later in life, because I still love that movie, and I have watched it numerous times. Anyway, here I've spent the better part of 7 minutes or so looking for this song, and of course I'm enraged already. Where the hell could the original be? I found a couple of Kermit impersonators raping a childhood favorite, that shit wasn't going to fly. So, I decide to give up on finding the original.
Having resolved to do so, I figure I better find the prettiest one I can, otherwise I will break someone's face off. I'm pleased to announce I found a pretty good one. It's done by an Indie band called Trespassers William. I have no idea who they are, or where they came from, but the song is pretty. I like nostalgia, and they do the song justice. Had they fucked it up, I more than likely would have mailed them some anthrax. For anyn government official reading this, I was merely speaking of sending them an Anthrax CD, probably "The Sound of White Noise." That was one of my particular favorites. For anyone not working as a government official, you're fucking right I meant anthrax!
So, luckily for them, there won't be any death in their future. I feel like I can listen to this song more than once and not hate the world. And during these times when I'm harboring a lot of anger, it's nice to listen to a song that can calm me down. After I listen to it a few times, I'll probably listen to "Fucking Hostile" about 16 times and see how calm I really am. It should be a really fun experiment! Look out family.
The Hosst with 1/4 of the Most, Dusty
Jeff Reviews Tennessee
So let's face it Indiana doesn't have much going for it. If you ever come to Indiana you will see it all day one and be sick of it day two. So when the wife said we should take a vacation to Tennessee, I was all over it. Driving the strip of Gatlinburg it becomes clear that there is a plethora of tourist traps out there trying to get you to spend as much as you can, selling t-shirts, airsoft guns, swords, purses, henna tattoos, smoking accessories, wood carvings, and mini golf as far as the eye can see. Speaking of spending as much as you can, there is no parking to speak of in Gatlinburg so you have to fork over cash to park a block or two away then walk places. Whether you like it or not you are paying for the view and atmosphere. Speaking of the view, it is spectacular. It makes the hours of twisting roads full of crazy fucks melt away, and I'm not talking about the view of all the mountain pussy.
Dolly Parton and Ripley's Believe it or Not own pretty much everything there. I am not saying that I don't like weird shit and tits, but going just about anywhere your bound to run into them and pay an extra 5 to 10 bucks because of it. All that said though the attractions were nice. The Ripley's Aquarium is pretty much a must see while you are there. It has a giant tunnel with an ass load of sharks and other finned critters. I also went by the Ripley's Museum which had a ton of weird shit as many of you could have guessed. The best though was Ripley's Haunted Adventure. Just a haunted house really but with a little money into it so things don't look like shit.
The food was without a doubt a highlight of the area, as long as you steer clear of the chain places. Mel's Dinner in Pigeon Forge has a perfect 50's dinner feel and great food. The Log Cabin Pancake House is an amazing breakfast right off the main strip. But the best was Park Grill, with amazing steaks and moonshine chicken, it was to die for. But everything cost more here, I'd say 5 bucks in Gatlinburg is about 10 in Indiana.
All in all I had a great time but Gatlinburg Is what you make of it. If you go to fuckin Wendy's and stay at one of the super cheap motels then you suck and can only dream of getting mountain pussy. But if you go and stay in a cabin and eat at nice places and for fucks sake go to the park then you'll have the best time ever.
Peace my N-words
March 27th 2011
Dusty Reviews "Raymond Did It
"Raymond Did It," the title of the movie. "The Director Didn't," should have instead been the title of the movie. Give a man props for putting together a movie with $47 he had in his wallet that day, but even as far as slasher flicks go, this was pretty dumb. Plot holes, slow pacing, and absolutely atrocious writing made this one worthy of being crapped on and flushed. Travis Legge wrote and directed this abortion. It was laughable in places where it should not have been, but as a bonus, it was laughable in some areas where it should have been as well. The Medium Bus Crew members Dusty and Craig attended an exclusive screening of this movie, and had some reasonably high hopes. They were almost immediately dashed. Look, I can't trash someone too much considering he;s made at least one more movie than I have. I can, however, trash him for making people watch it.
On the bright side of things, as an independent filmmaker, he has succeeded in bringing his movie to more of an audience than his parents and beleaguered friends. He should stop it immediately though. They offered up a Q & A after the movie, and what ensued was another laughable moment when more than half of the people in attendance hurriedly left the room before it could begin. The Medium Bus was right there with them.
The movie was predictable, and stupid, to the point where really all you wanted to see were people dying. Luckily, it at least offered some original gore. It was just too sporadic, and in a quantity that was less than satisfactory. I want Travis to try again. Maybe with a few extra bucks he can pull something off worth watching. If he fails again though, he should stop making movies forever.
"Raymond Did It" scores an Aborted Joe on the Baldwin Scale for me. The only reason this didn't get a fuck stain is because I appreciate self-funded entertainers, and I want them to succeed. I do want them to stop torturing me with such garbage though. Travis, hire a writer. Maybe just stick with the directing. With a better story, and writing that wasn't outlandish and middle-schoolish, this might have been alright. Your directing isn't nearly as bad as your writing.
So, again, it looks like we're in agreement. "Raymond Did It" scored, barely, an Aborted Joe Baldwin. Pretty sad really!
Dusty Reviews Horror Hound Weekend
Fellow Medium Bussers Craig and Dusty attended Horror Hound weekend in our lovely city this weekend. It's amazing that celebrities, if you can really call most of them by that title, need to charge such exorbitant amounts of money for autographs that wouldn't even fetch that price on E-Bay. None of that matters though. I didn't really meet anyone spectacular this weekend who most people would recognize by name.
One person I met stood out amongst the rest. Edward J. Russell, an author, who was one of the friendlier people in the whole building. Although I really only spoke with him briefly, in a relative sense, he was very gracious and didn't want stupid amounts of money just to be in his presence. Of course, just like everyone else there, he was trying to sell something. Maybe check him out at www.thedeadinfested.com and show him a little love for at least not being a pushy bastard. Overall, the experience was good though. It was $20 for the day, and we got to screen a movie, "Raymond Did It" which I'll discuss in another post. Some of the masks were pretty cool, and there was decent enough art. Buried behind everyone else down a lonely hall way we found Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery from the Boondock Saints. Funny, they wanted you to first buy a photo of them, and then pay for autographs. We stepped out of line there.
So, as far as eye candy is concerned, Horror Hound is worth a visit just to see some of the pretty cool shit they have going on there. As can be expected the people no one has ever heard of are a little more gracious than those who have already inflated their egos. It's worth a trip, and we may visit again next year. The Medium Bus recommends taking ridiculous amounts of cash with you though if you're a collector or easily duped into paying for autographs. Horror Hound Weekend scored a Stephen from me on the Baldwin Scale. It's fun, and inexpensive for the basics, but you'll pay out the ass for anything mildly interesting.
So, it looks like we agree on what this thing is worth. Stephen's all around!
Craig Reviews "Raymond Did It"
Raymond Did It is a home-made horror "movie" from Travis Legge. Mr. Legge is a new director looking to make it in the horror film industry. As much as I hate to say it, "Travis don't quit your day job". With the pathetic state that Hollywood is in now, I know I should be promoting the independent film maker as much as possible. But this is one movie maker who needs to stop or get extremely better real quick.
This movie is a poor attempt to cross Sling Blade with I Know What you Did Last Summer. Raymond is a mentally handicapped kid who recently graduated high school. The movie starts off with a group of middle school kids, who apparently do nothing but smoke weed and screw each other, kill Raymond's brother and then blame the mentally handicapped kid. Now we jump six years later, Raymond is in a mental hospital and the kids are all graduating from high school. Guess what happens next. If you guessed anything other than Raymond escaping the hospital and killing the kids, then I am sorry for your parents and any offspring you might ever have.
This movie is horrible. It was way too predictable. The pace of the movie was painful. After the first death, which was used to set the plot, it had to be another 35-40 minutes before someone else came close to being killed. About 20 minutes into this movie I was begging for someone to do something other than bitch and moan. The movie was boring as hell, the deaths were cheesy, and actors looked as if they had no idea what was going on. The only saving grace of this movie was the brief nudity by one of the actresses who was actually pretty hot.
I am giving this movie an Aborted Joe only because it was self made. If there had been any hint of a production company behind this movie, then it would have gotten a Fuck Stain without hesitation.
Craig Reviews Horror Hound Weekend
Dusty and I just got back from HorrorHound Weekend convention in Indianapolis and it was a blast. Of course I always have a blast seeing hundreds of horror movie memorabilia items along with plenty hot Goth chicks. Something about a hottie with a ton of cleavage, short black skirt, and blood red hair that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But back to the review, for those that don't know, HorrorHound Weekend is 3 days of terror from HorrorHound Magazine http://www.horrorhoundweekend.com/. HorrorHound Magazine is a bi-monthly magazine dedicated to bringing you the latest and greatest about the horror movie genre.
The main draw of HorrorHound Weekend is the chance to meet some classic and new "stars" of the horror movie genre. This weekend was no exception. The line-up for this weekend included: Sid Haig (House of 1000 Corpses, Kill Bill 2, THX1138), Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3, Bloodrayne, also she is hot as hell in person), Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery (The Boondock Saints), Lloyd Kaufman (Tromavision), and many others. I'll admit I'm not the biggest horror movie fan and this put me at a disadvantage when meeting and talking to some of the "stars". Some of the "stars" are actually make-up or special effects people. While I appreciate all the work they do and I understand how bad special effects can ruin a movie, it's kind of difficult to be hyped-up enough to stand in line to meet the guy who came up with the bloody midget head model in Death Bringers 7. But everyone was extremely cool and very, very approachable. This goes for both the "stars" and the vendors. And there were several vendors. Most of which were selling DVDs or "artwork". Many of the booths selling DVDs were just reselling classic or hard to find movies. A few of the booths were actually promoting original work. Some of the artwork was great and well some was just reprints with blood splattered on it. Also, there was a ton of zombie merchandise. Apparently zombie is this year's buzz word. I had about six booths in a row ask me if I was into zombies. Just as I do with everything else in my life, I must rate my experience at HorrorHound Weekend.
The Pros: Everyone was cool, it was only $20 to get in, got a ticket to the premiere of Raymond Did It, and while I'm not the hardcore horror movie fan I do love seeing some mutilated corpses.
The Cons: Damn near everything cost. Example a photo/autograph with Kristanna Loken was $30. She's hot and all, but for $30 I'd expect to get at least a… well never mind.
Overall: I'd give it a Stephen. It's worth the money to go and it was fun to hang out with other freaks.
March 26th 2011
Dusty Reviews Sucker Punch
Sucker Punch. What can be expected? What can be expected is that you will be unprepared, as the tagline states, for how stupid this story really is. However, the girls in this story make things a bit interesting. Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Jena Malone (the least hot of the group), Abbie Cornish and Jamie Chung are all fabulously hot chicks. Is that enough to make the movie worth watching though? Not really, but I was still fairly mesmerized.
Zack Snyder, the guy who wrote, directed, and produced this film has a pretty impressive resume at this point. Anyone ever heard of 300? Dawn of the Dead? Oh yeah, what about Watchmen? Yeah, damn right. He has a history of making some good movies. And as a director, he did a good job with this one. As a writer, eh, not so much. The story here was fucking ridiculous. Smoking hot, Emily Browning, has a problem. Her mom died, and her step-dad is a fuck-face. I can only imagine what he wanted to do to Emily's little sister, but she was going to save her. Dumb as she is, she accidentally kills her sister. She gets sent to a mental hospital. From there the story goes downhill.
Essentially this is the Inception of bad movies. It's elaborate and confusing, but with very little satisfaction at the end. I wanted to go ahead and mention though, that the girls in this movie are hot. I want to try and put it into words, but it's pretty difficult. This is hot like, well, forget it. Anyway, the point is that this movie has little to offer. Hot chicks and special effects drive this thing. That, and Zack Snyder, as a director, has a decent vision.
To break it down, the visuals are really nice. It's 300, only in a more recent time period. And really, what's not to love about steam-powered, clockwork, undead soldiers? Furthermore, what's not to love about dragons and chain-gun toting giant samurais? The concept is there, everything is in place for success. Jesus, Emily Browning is fucking hot. So is Jamie Chung. Vanessa Hudgens looked pretty good herself. I could have done without Jena Malone. Anyway, as actresses, none of the girls were terrible, they were all doable performances. But the story just sucked.
But really, what can be expected? I mentioned it before. When I go see a movie like Transformers, what do I want? I want giant robots beating the hell out of one another. When I go see Battle: Los Angeles, what do I want? I want guys battling an invading force of other-worldly creatures. When I go see Sucker Punch, I want gorgeous visuals and, smoking fucking hot chicks. I got that. So, for two hours, I watched these hot, HOT girls in a stupid, predictable story. And I was okay with it. I think most people who go see this movie know what they're in for. Story-wise, this movie get's a Daniel on the Baldwin Scale. Hot chick-wise, this movie is an Alec. Know what you're in for when you go see this movie and you won't leave disappointed. Go in wanting Academy Award winning performances from girls that are nothing less than gifts from Jesus Christ himself, and you're going to feel like you wasted your money.
Dusty Reviews Red State
It's Friday, March 11th and I'm sitting inside Clowes Hall on the Butler University campus in Indianapolis. I'm here to see Red State, a new movie from Kevin Smith that doesn't make its way to theatres until August. I'm not sure what to think about it, because it's apparently like nothing he's ever done before. It's a movie dubbed as a "religious horror," and that could mean anything. The fact of the matter is you go in expecting something like Mallrats from Kevin Smith, but that's not what this was.
From the very beginning, it's just a series of poorly made decisions. The movies spirals out of control quickly, and once it does it never stops spiraling until the end. It seems as though no one, whether religious fanatic, or ATF agent, knows how to handle anything properly. It's a magnificent showing of how things are constantly mis-judged and then subsequently mis-handled. Smith handles the directorial duties fantastically though, without making too many poor decisions. This movie, being a horror/suspense movie was something out of the writer/director's realm, and it was dealt with nicely. He pulled very nice performances from some heavy hitters such as recent Academy Award winner Melissa Leo, the always enjoyable John Goodman, and a surprising Michael Parks. There are also some very good supporting roles. Overall, the performances from the entire cast were very solid. In particular though, Michael Parks as Abin Cooper played the homophobic religious fanatic masterfully. Furthermore, John Goodman as ATF Agent Joseph Keenan was another incredible performance. Melissa Leo, although always good at what she does, wasn't as entertaining as she could have been. The whole cast made it believable. The way Red State was shot way equally as impressive. Once again, watching the progression from Clerks to Cop Out, there aren't too many varying degrees in the style of Kevin Smith. This being a change in genre led him to be more experimental and leave his comfort zone which paid off tremendously. There was some shaky-cam where it was needed, but wasn't overused like a lot of filmmakers are doing these days. Thank goodness it wasn't filmed in 3-D! It was the writing that really lent itself to the fact this was a Kevin Smith movie. It was very dialogue drive, and the dialogue was well written. The only issue I had was with some of the humor. Although any drama, if it's meant to be believable, should have some comedy, the humor was a little too "Kevin Smith." Admittedly, I laughed in the right places, and felt just as uncomfortable in the right places as well; I felt the movie could have done without some of the silly jokes. So yes, even though I liked the jokes that were peppered throughout, they should not have been as funny as they were!
In a nutshell, this is a movie that needs to be seen. Regardless of whether you are devout or faithless, a fan of Kevin Smith or not, it's a piece of work that takes chances and succeeds. It's cleverly written as well as delivered. The leading cast does amazing work, and they make you hate them for the right reasons. Envelopes are pushed and sometimes just bent in half. This movie will make you squirm in anticipation some moments, and make you laugh out loud in others. It's not for the faint of heart, and not something you want to subject your children to, but it's a damn fine piece of work. There are some memorable performances, and God willing, this movie won't be overlooked during the next award season. I give this movie an Alec.